Monday, November 19, 2007

Rest in peace Bentley!

Tonight my sister called me crying so hard I could barely understand her! Her and my mom are due to leave for Jamaica in about 5 hours and we still have no idea what happened but when they were rounding up the dogs to come on the house tonight they were yelling for everyone and then my mom heard Bentley (Boo) screaming in the back yard. My mom got a couple of the dogs in their kennels and my sister went into the back yard to find Bentley. She found him and he had gotten attacked. Not sure at all if it was my sister's dog Bourke or something that came into the back yard.

My sister picked Bentley up and he had bites out of him and was losing oxygen. He died within 10 minutes in her arms! OMG I could not believe it! He was the coolest little thing. We all called him the alien dog because he had so many weird traits about him. I am so sorry for my mom and sister that this happened at all let alone within 10 hours of leaving for a trip for 10 days.

He will be missed in our craziness of dogs for sure. He was such a sweetheart! This happened to us also 10 hours before we were leaving last year to go visit my sister in rehab in Oklahoma City. Her oldest dog Milo (grandpa) had a stroke or something and lost all bodily function from the neck down. My sister in law and I took him in right when we got there and he had to be put to sleep an hour later.

So sad..............

I had my CT done today and do know that they found no cancer masses so thank god for that. Yet my infection is getting worse and we have no idea why?? I will go have more blood drawn tomorrow morning to see how much higher my white blood cell count is. Then will go back on Wednesday to talk more to my doctor about where we go from there. My fever stayed pretty consistent at around 99-100 for almost 2 weeks with a three day break not having one. Now over the last 3 days it has been around 102 consistently again. And the pain in my back by my kidneys man does it hurt! So for about 4 weeks now I have had a fever all but 4 days and been so drained and sore. NOT FUN!

Well that is it for tonight. Sorry for such a downer entry. They say when it rains it pours.

Hugs, Robyn

Friday, November 16, 2007

Tired of being sick!

Hi everyone. Well 3 weeks later I am still so sick! My white blood cell count is actually getting higher. My doc is concerned why after being on strong antibiotics for almost 2 weeks this infection is not getting better but worse.

I have my CT scan scheduled for Monday afternoon. They do not think it is kidney stones because my symptoms are not A-typical for them. But that will be the first thing they rule out then we will go from there I guess. I am so tired of having a fever! I have had one for 21 days straight except two days. My back is killing me by my kidneys, my lower right area in my stomach is killing me also.

My white blood cell count is way high right now. I have some crazy infection going on! My doc's nurse said yesterday that my last blood workup from Friday also had some other elevated numbers on three other tests but that the most concerning was my blood cell count still getting higher not lower. SO who knows! I just wish I felt better.

I go day to day being mommy, maid, taxi, wife, cook and put on my happy face and pretend I am not soooo sick. But in reality I am. I am so worn out, so rung! Hopefully on Monday the CT will give us some idea what in the world is going on with me. I am praying and keeping my fingers crossed that my kidney function is not what is causing this. I am far to young to be diagnosed with kidney disease!

You know I was just in my kitchen making my kids some dinner and was washing the microwave out and you know what annoys me?? I am 5'2 and have to stand on a chair or tip toes just to clean my microwave! lmao (reminder to self......when you build a house do not get a above range one!!)

My neighbors came over last week (3 of them) and were annoyed with me and my dog. They all informed me that he barks nonstop everytime I leave! I asked them how long this has been happening since I have lived here a month now? They said since we got here. WELL DUH how was I supposed to know he was barking while I am not at home? Either way I told them I would take care of it and felt really bad because he is 95 pounds and has a loud deep bark. He would drive me nuts if I were home. So I went and bought a bark collar and turned the downstairs bathroom into his room lol. I bought him a really cool bed that is in the shower and his food dish sits in there now also.

I went and knocked on my neighbors door a few days ago and asked her how it was going with the barking, she said great! WHEW! She also thanked me more than once for taking care of the problem so quickly. Had I of known 4 weeks ago it would have been stopped then.

My brothers 13 year old pug Chaos died yesterday morning. When my brother and his ex wife to be first met and moved in together they bought Chaos and his brother Buster because they could not pick just one. The two of them have been kenneled together every single night for the last almost 13 years and they are two peas in a pod. I am afraid Buster may try to shut down and give up because his brother is gone now.

So my brother said to me last night after he got a speeding ticket wow I am living a real life country song. I lost my wife, my dog died, my house, half of my stuff, half of my money, all that is left is my truck. Poor guy lol! He bought himself his dream car a something BMW (a mans dream lol) and it seems to be causing him problems cause he wants to drive it the way it is meant to be driven and has gotten two speeding tickets. He knows he needs to slow his ass down before he loses his licsence.

Hubby is home now. He was playing a game online that was a major source of fights for us! It had completely taken over his real life and it had gotten so bad that I told him he was not coming home until it was out of his system. He uninstalled the game from his puter the day before he came home! I was surprised but very happy. Now he can reenter "OUR" life.

Both of my kids are off of school now for 9 days and on Tuesday we are all going to stay at my moms to house sit her 5 dogs and take care of my nephew for 10 days. They are going to Jamaica my sister will turn 18 while there. My brother is staying with my mom right now until he moves home after his divorce is final so he will probably stay at my place at night and be at my moms with us during the day because my kids need the spare bed he is sleeping in right now.

I am scared to death for my sister the day she gets home from Jamaica because on her 18th birthday she will be getting her trust fund which is a pretty large amount and I hope she is sensible with it and does not get herself into trouble!

I will deal with the same thing when both of my kids turn 18 and they will be getting almost triple what my sister is getting so I am using all 18 years to try to teach them the value of money and appreciate the things they have and to teach them to not take things for granted. Unfortunately for my son on his 18th birthday there is a good chance I will have power of attorney over all of his money because he will not be able to handle it. But I do know that whereever I live there will be a place for him built on or right next to me and we will hire a full time live in caregiver for him.

Once both of my kids are 18 I plan to travel nonstop, so with him having a fulltime caregiver I think my plan will be for them to also travel with me so Josh will be with me yet I will have the freedom to enjoy some peace and quiet also.

I dropped my truck off this morning for it's SECOND new tranmission in one years time. The old one was jamming up. 4 times while I was in reverse it came to a dead stop and acted like I hit something. The first two times it happened I was positive I had somehow hit hubbies van in the driveway. But I didn't. Then two days ago hubby and I were at Target leaving to pick daughter up from school and it happened to him. He honestly thought he his someone. The look on his face was terrible! I felt so bad for him, but I knew it was the transmission locking up, either way he got out to make sure. I had told him about the other 3 times but I do not think he understand how bad it was until it happened to him. So a day later it is getting a new one.  I paid 2500.00 for the first one and this time they are replacing it at no cost (Thank god!).

Well I should end this now I have to drop my daughter off for a birthday sleepover in about 5 minutes. I am not spell checking this entry so I am sorry if it is bad ;)

I hope everyone has a great weekend! Please say a prayer for me or keep me in your thoughts that whatever this infection is that I have gets better and stops getting worse.

Love and hugs,


Saturday, November 10, 2007

Long overdue entry

Hey everyone. I was sitting here waiting for Comcast to come and figured I was long overdue writing an entry. Life has been crazy busy around here!

My son and I both got Strep throat on Wednesday. We have both been taking antibiotics to get better. He has been out of school since Wed. though. I also have something going on with my kidneys. I went to my second doctors appt. yesterday evening. I have been on antibiotics for almost 2 weeks and am not getting any better. My white blood cell count is really high, I have had a low grade fever for almost a week, body aches, just run down period. They did say there was blood in my urinalysis they did so I have to go back on Monday to see if it is kidney stones, or maybe something else.

My doc is sending me for a abdominal CT on Monday after my appt with her. Keep your fingers crossed this is nothing to serious. My grandmother on my moms side had kidney disease and I have always figured at some point in my adult years I may end up getting it being the second generation.

Hubby and I have been separated for almost 3 weeks now. We are talking and trudging through are differences. Relationships take alot of forgiveness and at a point in my life I have to decide how much I can forgive and forget. I have spent over 10 years with him and cannot walk away until we know there is absolutely nothing that can fix us.

Rayanna is doing great in school! She took the NWEA's a couple weeks ago and got her test result scores back yesterday she was above average on all of them. She got 100% on the math. I am so proud of her!

She had 7 girls over and had a halloween party that is long past now lol, either way I am adding pics from the party on here. They were all so cute. I made rice crispy bars and bought stuff to let them all make graves and took pics of the final results they all ended up to cute ;)

It is getting SO cold in Minnesota. I think it is 34 right now.

There is so much going on with different family members of mine. Some good, some heartache. My brother was married for 12 years and is in the process of a divorce. My sister is going to be 18 (hard to believe!!)in two weeks and is trying to work things out with her son's father. We have all told her we do not support it, yet we love her. Her b/f treats her like shit and she seems so unhappy most of the time when he is in her life. But she really wants to give it a chance since they share a baby together. I believe she is going to have to learn the hard way.

Our 18 year old broke up with her b/f and took off to California to be with her exes friend. She is now staying there and has no plans to return. I honestly think she is being irresponsible and making horrid choices in her life yet there is no telling a 18 year old that. So what do you do? Again let her learn the hard way like the rest of us did.

My son has been changing and becoming more aggressive with me. Hitting, headbutting, pinching, kicking, ect every single time we leave the house. At the end of a night I have to sit and just breathe for a bit. I always remind myself that he does not communicate, no speaking at all so it has to be equally as frustrating for him to want me to know his dislikes and not be able to tell me. I pray to my grandma if that makes any sense for the strength to make it through each day sometimes.

Carrie Underwoods song "Jesus take the wheel" is a song I listen to when a day has been really tough with Josh, and life.

Well I think I will end this and add the pictures of my daughter's Halloween party now. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Hugs & Love,




I am going to end this with a video of Ray and her friends doing a play for my sister, my sister in law, and I. It was SO cute. I have more videos but I love the one where they are all singing.