Thursday, July 20, 2006

Sigh, Grrrrrr, I need a getaway!!

It must just be one of those days today! I am so fu**ing irratated! Hmmm,  is it one of those days or maybe my life really is like this everyday and today it is just bothering me more than normal?


I am tired emotionally, I am so tired! In a family unit you would think that it would be a group effort to get things done. But unless I remember and remind and nag it dosn't! Why is that? Who ever made the rule that the mother in the house was supposed to run the show and keep it all running? Of course I do it and I will do it tomorrow and the next day. But I get really pissed and usually I just let it roll off my back. But today the shit is just not rolling lol.



I have learned a very valuable lesson in life which is pick your battles when it comes to spouses and kids. Because I think I can honestly say that I would be fighting 24/7 with someone in my house if I didn't pick em.



Hubby was going to take my son Joshua up north with him this weekend because I told him I really needed a break, but plans fell thru and they are not leaving tomorrow. I love my son to death and cannot imagine not being with him everyday but in almost 8 years of his life I have not ONCE not had him here at home with me, and because of his disabilities I live a very repetative (sp?) life everyday. Changing him, trying to get him to potty, feeding him and if he is feeding himself having to tell him every bite to take a bite, him getting frustrated because he does not speak and because I am mom I get the worst of it! Him hitting, kicking, pinching, head butting me, ect ect.



So bottom line is I just flat out need a break in the same ole same ole just for a couple days! So then after hubby tells me they are not going my exact words to him were "That sucks" I didn't meen to offend him or say for him to take it personal and analyze it but of course he did! And ends up saying well I will just take him to my moms tonight. The point he didnt get was I am not asking him to leave here with my son or make him feel he needs to leave our house. I just was a little bummed because I was looking more forward then anyone can imagine to have a day or two here at home with out the same daily routine I have done for almost 8 years. And hubby had to pick at my words, tell me I didn't mean this and I said that, blah blah blah. I just looked at him and said "are you kidding me? your gonna start a argument with me over this?" "Do you not already see I am having a really shitty day and I DID NOT MEEN TO OFFEND YOU!!" I simply said that sucks meening bummer" So now hours later he is still being pissy and shitty with me.


I cannot figure out why when he wanted to know what was wrong with me and I told him after him bugging me to tell him he then turns it onto me and gets pissy? Talk about support! lol This may not even make sense because I am not fully explaining all the events that led up to the end of my I can't take it anymore today attitude but at least I feel a little better getting some of it out!



I am NOT a demanding woman, I am not a nagger, I do not have overly high expections as a mother, I do ask hardly ANYTHING of anyone in my household and apparently GOD forbid me from having a bad day. Because I am superwoman! Living with 2 Bi-Polar people one adult and one child they have bad days consistently and I honestly feel I am not entitles to one in there eyes because I am the rock that holds it all together.


OK I am done venting I am going to lay down and pray noone comes into my room to bother me for at least an hour or two! HAHA yeah right! Sorry this was such a downer entry I will write a happier one when I happier! lol


1 comment:

carolsixpac said...

Aww I sure wish you could have gotten a break. Its true, the female seems to be the one in charge of everything and sometimes ya just end up learning to do things yourself vrs going thru the hassle of getting someone to help u. I sure learned the same lesson of deciding what was worth arguing over. ok--playing catch up on journal here. hugs.