Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Well I think my days may be getting a little less hectic (knocking on wood!). I spent all day today outside trimming trees, cleaning deck, ect. The stuff that I trully and honestly do not like to do which is why it is July and I am just doing it lol!

Yesterday I took my kids to the zoo we had a good time. I got some really cute pictures I will put at the end of the entry.

I have decided that even tho I cannot change my feelings about my sister being pregnant, I can choose to not try to change her mind, or get to involved with it! I love her with all my heart and soul but I cannot take care of her forever. I have done all I can do and I need to step back and worry about myself and my kids. I cannot change what happens at my mothers house and I am done trying too.

I am going to send this entry and switch pc's to add pics from zoo to entry..........

If you look close at this last pic you will see a baby in between the two bigger ones, he was SO cute!!

 

 

 

 

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Absolutely angry, disappointed and some!

I just had a conversation with my brother that I am still in awe of!  I am not sure if I have at spoke at all or if any about my 16 year old sister here in my journal. I do not think I have well I am going to today because I need a venting space!

 

My sister just 4 weeks ago got out of rehab, we live in Minnesota and she spent 4 months in Oklahoma in a teen rehab. I spent ALOT of time, energy and money going there to visit her and to support her over those four months! I really honestly believed that with the love and support of her family that when she came home she would be on the right path to do positive things in life!!

 

Without making this the longest entry ever I will give you a little background. My mother has no back bone when it comes to raising my sister. What my sister wants my sister gets. And her rehab talked about my mothers home being to toxic of an enviroment for her to come home too! I was there that day and man was my mom pissed to hear that! But sadly it is the truth. My mother is a LONG time alcoholic her self.

 

As a mother myself I believe the best thing my mom ever could have did for my sister was admit she didnt have the strength inside herself to guide her and help her stay on the right path. But she didn't do that instead she let her come home and almost immediately jump right back into the same life she was supposed to have left behind.

 

I knew or should say had a gut instinct the trip home from her graduation that something bad was going to happen not long after coming home. Because she walks all over my mom and does whatever she wants, when she wants.

 

She had a boyfriend I will call him J when she left for rehab, that was NO good for her, nor was she any good for him. They together both dealt drugs to support there habits. And now knowing exactly what she was using and how often she was using was a HUGE habit and she is fortunate she didnt die over the course of the 2 years she was using heavily.

 

Well any normal person looking in would know that Kate and J should have never been allowed to be together when she came home. My mom should have made it as difficult as possible instead she pretty muchly catered to my sister to make it as easy as possible for the two of them! I just don' get it!!! She is SIXTEEN not 30 who caters to there 16 year old who is fresh out of rehab to help her be in this totally unhealthy relationship??

 

Well my sister relapsed (with her boyfriend) two weeks after coming home. As a matter of fact they got into a high speed chase with the police in my sisters car! They got clocked going 120 miles an hour down they highway and didnt stop for a bit. When they did stop they police had guns drawn to their heads and everything. They both got charged with  a few different things.

 

Now that I am older and have kids of my own I can't help but be extremely pissed off at the two of them and there stupidity!! They put themselves at risk and everyone else on the road they were on going that fast under the influence! At that point I would have had my sisters ass back in a program or sober house faster than she could blink her eyes. But of course my mom didn't she didn't do shit to her as a matter of fact.

 

The next day my sister proceeded to drink a whole bottle of vodka straight and get drunker than she had been ever I think. Because before she was using cocaine and drinking that much then would sort of balance her out from what I understand. She was sick for 3 days after the second time.

 

My sister was supposed to be in day treatment and got kicked out of it from lack of attendance. She didn't go to meetings the way she was supposed to,  She just flat out did NOTHING she was supposed to do, and my mom may have gave a half attempt to keep her on the right path but not close to what should have been done!

 

Well that all leads up to what I found out today!!! My brother sent me an IM asking me what the worst possible thing is that could have happened to my sister at her age is? I sent him and IM back saying getting pregnant, and my brother said "DINGDING DING, right answer!"!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

She is fucking 16 years old! She is NOT ready to have a baby! PERIOD! Am I saying it can't be done? NO. I am saying that my sister is totally incapable of making the right choices about anything in life right now, and is so selfish that she only cares about herself. She never stops to think of the dangers  or the reprecussions ever! And pretty much laughs after the fact about all the poor choices she makes in life! So with saying all of that I think it is safe to say that she is NOT ready to have a baby!

 

I was screaming at my monitor! I felt like my brother told me one of my own kids was pregnant! I raised my sister for half of her life because my mother would go on binges and not care for her. I feel angry! I feel scared for her and this baby! I feel hurt! I feel let down! I feel a whole lot of emotions right now and just simply do not know what to do or say!

 

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Where does the time go?

 

Wow it feels like it's been forever since I have wrote a actual journal entry. Summer is here and man has it been busy! I thought summer "break" meant it was time to slow down and relax? I was wrong, with my kids and thier friends, and thier cousins it has gotten more hectic than anything! lol

We just got home from Shinders 3 of my crew had different cards they wanted to sell to get new ones. I gave them a limit but somehow still seemed to spend $140.00 on them! Way to go mom! lol

 

I found out this year that my inground sprinkler had a huge break in the line. The service that supposedly came last fall to turn it off didn't turn it off. So over winter it froze and cracked. I NEVER knew how much I appreciated that thing until now when it has been SO hot and dry!

I meen we have had hardly any rain at all. Yellow is the color of most yards around here. But in a half attempt to keep it somewhat green I have spent so much time outside changing the sprinklers around to get my whole yard. It is a pain in my ass I tell you!

I would love to just sit out on my deck and do nothing but have a drink lol!

 

 

 

 

Monday, June 5, 2006

My new monitor

Here is a picture of my new Gateway monitor. It is widescreen and it took a little getting used to lol. But now I love it ;)

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